My weight class was -69kg at the Powerlifting World Championship. I was about 3 kilos below I reckon, and I was amazed. I was almost sure I hit the 70 mark. We were in Italy, after all. Pizzaland. Ice Cream Land. Wineland. Paradiseland. That’d have been a new PR, if you put it like that.
Being above 54kg bodyweight made me losing my shit, back in the days. Even when retaining water or being bloated, which made for tighter pants, my day was destroyed and my world turned dark.
Doesn’t that sound incredibly sad, concerning and absurd? Falling into something like a depression, because of….kilos. Or because of tight pants, caused by….AIR. Well, then. I figure, there are things in life, that actually matter. This, not so much.
Roughly 10kg heavier and four years later, I live a lighter life than I have ever lived before.
Anyway, I have a collection of interesting comments when it comes to my body.
‘Oh, you were so beautifully skinny back then…’
(Someone about an old picture of me)
‘You are very beautiful, Luce.’
(A special Someone – very lately)
‘Don’t kill me with all your muscles!’
(A friend I (wanted to) hug)
‘You should arm-wrestle them.’
(A friend’s comment to this pic J )
‘You look like you are a very hungry person.’ (According to the amount I eat)
(Hungry?! That might leave me in a pool of sexual tension, for fuck’s sake….)
‘This is steel. I need this.’
(Friend, talking to others while touching my butt and stomach. She clearly has no regards for personal space. I love her. J )
‘Do you really want to have big arms like that?’
(……)
‘Hey Muscles! What’s happenin’?’
(My male Sydney Bestie)
‘Damn, Woman. Look at you.’
(….)
‘Aren’t you too old for Tattoos?’
(…!!)
I do not mind all the comments I get, anymore. I sometimes find it elusive, as to why my body triggers so much polarity, but at the end of the day, I do not care. Not going to lie, I like to receive compliments, who does not. Yet, I do not feel any different about myself whether people are bashing my muscles or adoring them. A friend lately told me, that I got to accept these comments, as long as I keep training in hot pants and posting Bikini photos on Facebook. He is probably right. And so, I do accept them, cause I am not planning to hide my body from the world. I am not going to show off naked either, do not worry – I simply have no problem with the way I look and as long as I feel confident and good about myself, I am going to wear clothes that underline my physique. Body-hugging, if you like.
I wear tattoos, piercings, tons of gipsy jewelry together with junky silver and gold pieces, I wear High Heels, Skinnies and Blazer or ripped Boyfriend Jeans, Beanies, Hipster Sweatpants and Sneakers, short Skirts or Denim Hot Pants – this is my style and I own it. I give just about zero fucks if I am close to fourty or what some. I haven’t done my last tattoo yet.
I do not judge or analyze the judgments; I basically just let them happen. If people want to score my body, fine. If they want to compare themselves to me, fine. I take the executive decision to not taking part in this competition. I am just me and ok like that. Thanks and Bye.
I see and am in touch with so many amazing, brilliant, funny and smart women around me; each one of them is a different body type and each size is beautiful. I do not look at their legs or arms and I clearly do not compare. It really does not matter at all if they are skinny or muscly, big or small. If they stick together, laugh out loud, say strong things and give beautiful hugs, I think they’re wonderful.
I surely cannot escape days on which I feel insecure – not only about my body, but about my life, about certain situations I am currently in. I am not immune to self-doubts, fat days, sad moments or frustration. These phases hit me just like anyone else. But it’s a rarity and I preach and live positivity 90% of the time. Based on the fact that I like myself, I am not letting things like these dragging me down. I will always protect myself from anything negative, hurtful and destructive, whenever possible.
I accept the lows in my life and face them – every low will make you a tad stronger and a tad wiser. That is the top recipe to be back on a high in the near future.
To sum it up – love your body just the way it is and do not let anyone or anything make you believe otherwise. It is the only place you get to live in and it does amazing things for you, day in and day out. Health and a functioning body is a damn privilege and it is about fucking high time that this is understood.
xxx,
Luce
